It’s All for Something - Keep At it

Updated: Jul 19

“Don’t ask what is the meaning of life? Ask, what is the meaning of your life?” – Les Brown

What is it that I want?

Over the years I’ve wanted many things. Looking back, none of those things were really of substance, why? Because they came and went and still, I am unfulfilled. See, as I

grow older the meaning of life has changed, well for me at least. A lot of people go through their entire lives being spectators, living in awe of someone else’s success and being completely satisfied with just that – “oh, I would love to do that”; oh word? Well, here’s what you’re going to have to do starting from where you are today in order to get to where you want to be. However, when it comes time to “get where you want to be” they cower; the sacrifice(s) for them is too great.

Living in misery or living unfulfilled has nothing to do with anyone but yourself. Some people will refuse, and I mean fucking refuse to take a step away from the bullshit they’ve

been in for the past 15-20 years – why? –it’s familiar? because life circumstances won’t allow growth and change? Bullshit! Folks are lazy and many of them are enablers and often have someone who always comes around picking up the pieces. Our greatest successes come from what? The people around us? Mom and dad teaching us how to do it? NO! Our greatest successes come from us, our drive, and our willingness to put in ‘that work’; we may be influenced by our colleagues or mom and dad BUT our successes come from us!

Let me tell you what I want, and I just came to the actualization about 5 years ago. I want to change the medical field – let me say that again with a little more conviction- that was weak.

I want to change the medical field; I want to reshape the purpose of medicine as it pertains to patient relations and the value of patient care.

Well, I’m 3 months shy of 27, ya girl is pushing 30, what have I done so far? Are you ready? – I’m living it! I sat up for several hours last night reflecting on a very meaningful conversation I had with my partner in life about how “I’m not where I think I should be and pity me pity me” and then it hit me, I’m living through it. See, my purpose in this life, I believe is to bring forth change on a larger scale. Now without the experiences of the past 5 years and years to come until I achieve my goal, how can I appreciate that which I set out to tackle? I think I’d be lost as fuck, chasing my own tail, relying on shit that other people have to say rather than cultivating my own ideas.

“The world is full of willing people, some willing to work and others willing to let them”

When I first heard that quote, my immediate response was, shit, I’m willing to work, I’ve been working. Then I hear it again and the question becomes, what am I working on? Am I working or am I being worked?

You meet people along your journey and when you have the conversation on life and its purpose and what are your goals and are you living a meaningful life? More often than not the conversations being had is “Well, I really wanted to do this, but I went through this and then this happened and now I’m here. It’s not what I envisioned for myself, but the bills are being paid, the kids are fed, we get to travel every now and then. It would’ve been dope to do that other thing though but this is pretty good. I would say yes, my life is pretty meaningful” – what’s wrong with that dialogue? Two things. First, this conversation happens too frequently. Second and most important, they’ve gotten comfortable and my favorite word, stagnant. Circumstances of life reshape, rebuild and redirect our paths in life but they should always lead us to our purpose.

To be comfortable in a lifestyle that you know and that you feel isn’t what you were destined– rephrase, to be comfortable in an unfulfilling life knowing that it’s not ALL that you had been placed here to do is unfathomable. Being alive and not working tirelessly and your goal, your God-given gift – that makes for some sad people. I say that because you’ll never be happy, you’ll always be searching, but you’ve conditioned yourself to this unfulfilling lifestyle that you’ll never take that leap, you’ll never make that move!

You ever watch a dog sit at a riverbank watching its toy float away KNOWING that he can jump in and get it? I mean, his legs aren’t broken, dogs are usually pretty good swimmers, shit better than me, but he still sits there and just watches it drift farther and farther away until eventually, he walks away like “fuck this shit”. Why is that? Fear, fear of diving in and going after what he wanted and as he sat there watching it, he goes to take a leap and then he stops, and it’s farther; then he backs up and charges ahead and nope, stopped, now it’s even farther. Shit, well now it’s so far away, if he couldn’t build up the courage to get it earlier, might as well just walk off and let it be right? Wrong. The work amount of work you put into something to watch it grow and flourish and just be exactly what you wanted it to be, the more you’ll appreciate and understand that the trials and tribulations HAD TO EXIST.

When we refuse or when we are afraid to live in our purpose, we deprive others, whew, just feel that; let it run through you really quick. When we refuse or when we become too afraid to live in our purpose, we make a selfish decision to deprive others of experiencing THE GIFT that we were chosen to give. Our purpose belongs to us, and only us; only we are given the tools needed to manifest that purpose in the way it should be manifested. Let me tell you what the problem is here, “but”. That’s it, you want to do this, you’re passionate about that, but. When we put the word “but” after our ideas, after our dreams, our goals, that is the moment we plant that deadly seed of doubt.

Check this out,

“I want to be a Nurse Practitioner. I’m currently in school, working towards just that. I have passed my placement exam making me eligible to apply for an RN program. I’m done with my pre-requisites so when I’m accepted my focus will be on my cores. This is all exciting, BUT what if….” – with that “but”, I just undid all the work that I’ve put in to get as far as I am. I just took a huge shit on all the successes that have gotten me to this point; that word, that three (3) letter word will fuck your head up with so much doubt. That word will have you sink so far into your fears and frustration that when you’re finally able to come up for air, you’ve drifted so far from where you’ve started. Then you’re now faced with either starting over, swimming against the tide and current, putting in that work to get back on track or stay where you are, floating around in your self-inflicted defeat and self-pity. A lot of people make the decision to float, why? It requires less maintenance; they’ve already fallen off why fight it? And then the rest of us are now deprived of what it was that they were supposed to kick down in order to open doors and give rise to opportunities for others who may not have been able to achieve it themselves.

I can go on for days about goals and affirmations and “don’t stop until you’re proud”. However, as I am working on achieving my goals and working on me mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually, I find myself reconstructing and redefining the meaning of my life.

That’s normal, right?

I mean, my feelings change day to day based on what I witness or experience, what I once viewed as an important factor to getting me where I need to go somehow no longer seem significant in any part of what I am trying to accomplish.

So, What is the meaning of your life? What is your purpose? If you are able to answer those two questions readily and with conviction, you’re already ahead of the game.

The key is to keep yourself motivated, surround yourself with positive people who are headed in the same direction.

Stay focused on your journey and not that of someone else and continuously remind yourself that we’re waiting. You’re the only one that can do this, and we’re waiting for you to make your debut.

I want to do it all. When I die, I want to die empty leaving it all here. I want to be sure that my goals are executed, and my purpose is fulfilled.

No one will suffer from deprivation on my behalf.

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